Thursday, May 22, 2014

10 Things To Do to Avoid Getting Older (Once You Realize You Are, in fact, Getting Older)

Have you recently found yourself in a stable job? Signed up for Healthcare? Are you making a significant dent in your student loans? Is everything your parents said starting to make sense?

Have no fear - here are ten simple steps to avoid getting older (because you aren't getting younger):

1. Shake your head back and forth periodically throughout the day. Nothing screams 'young' like random, denial-fueled, emotional tantrums.

2. Eat dessert at each meal. Though the privilege may be distinctly grown-up, the act - the sheer audacity against a well-working heart - will surely make you feel young again.

3. Two words: Instagram. Selfies. (Make sure they are pointless and contain at least fourteen hashtags that hashtag each other. INCEPTION.)

4. One word: Naps. What is a lunch break if not a self-initiated time-out spent curled impressively underneath your desk? A waste of time, that's what.

5. Refuse to order anything that isn't a chicken nugget or shaped like a dinosaur. Commence dinosaur plate-war. ("RAWR. RAWR.")

6. Get lost in something. I suggest the world of wizardry or a pillow fort.

7. Pretend you just paid an overlord and saved the world. No one needs to know it was a credit card payment.

8. The floor is lava! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your desk was the save zone ...

9. Roll down the nearest hill until you can't stand up. Nothing can get too serious if it's too wobbly to focus on.

10.  GO OUTSIDE. Seriously, your desk isn't doing you any favors.

Sing at the top of your lungs, laugh with abandon, hug because you want to, dance because you feel like it and forget that anyone else exists in the world. Candy, Disney movies, running barefoot and the ability to plug your ears in the event of bad news. Box mazes, finger puppets, ridiculously sugary cereals that cannot possibly have any nutritional value and an imagination with the ability take you anywhere at anytime.

You really are only as old as you feel, everything else is just noise.