Friday, June 22, 2012

35 Things To Do when it's 'Lights Out'

Oh no! No lights?
Don't fear - I've had a lot of practice with this situation; with your permission, I'd love to make a few suggestions ... I know, your battery is running out, I'll make it quick:

1. DANCE! (Just watch out for walls, superstar; there are four of them.)
2. Contemplate the theory of relativity ... and how it pertains to cheese.
3. Play 'what's that crawling across my face?'
4. Remember that one thing you put somewhere in this room earlier? Well now your brain wants you to find it, again. In the dark.
5. Hunt for ghosts.
6. Don't be surprised when you find one.
7. Talk to the stars (or the ceiling fan that stopped moving like 45 minutes ago - whichever is closer).
8. Steel your mind against the heat.
9. Attempt to convince yourself that it's actually a nice 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
10. Laugh at your previous attempt: 65 degrees doesn't give anyone heat rash.
11. Karate? Why not? (You can't be bad if no one can see you, right?)
12. Turn up your ipod and dedicate the next 45 minutes to learning every word of 'Rocket Man.'
13. Turn off the ipod and serenade THE WORLD.
14. In fact, you should just sing out loud to every song you hear.
15. Text people you rarely text, just because.
16. Realize how awesome they are and promise to text them more often. (Keep your promise.)
17. Make a verbal bucket list: fingers and toes, my friend; fingers and toes.
18. Hold a candlelit vigil for Whitney - complete with an a'capella mash-up of any Number One hits you can recall (or can't: 'I'M EVERY WOMAN; IT'S ALL IN ME ... nah nah THING you ... nah nah ... DONE, baby, I DO IT NATURALLY!')
19. Practice holding your breath.
20. Okay, stop holding your breath.
21. Enjoy the silence!
22. Scare children. Trust me, it won't take much.
23. Hold reenactments of any kind with sock puppets. (Seriously, what else are you using your socks for in Africa? Exactly. So ... Frodo was on his way to Mordor ...)
24. Create an entirely alliteration-filled sentence; work up to paragraphs.
25. Haiku time!
26. Text your beautiful poetry to all of those people you rarely text - what? It's not weird at all!
27. Blind self-portrait - GO!
28. Make a list of the things you'd like to eat in America.
29. Promptly forget because it's torturing you.
30. Practice night-vision!
31. Eat carrots by the handful, then practice again.
32. Pray to the gods of electricity and make sacrifices in their honor.
33. Speak in tongues and make vague promises of first born children if they would JUST. MAKE. THE FAN WORK.
34. Talk to said fan, name said fan, love said fan until the power returns.
35. Scream in triumph and immediately rescind the first born child thing ...