Friday, May 28, 2010

On Packing Lightly

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us ... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do ... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-marianne williamson

I'm slowly packing up my life.

After simplifying, all of my belongings magically fit into four 60 gallon tubs. Who knew that such small containers could store so much of my life? With every rolled garment of clothing, neatly stacked and organized, it's starting to settle in that I'm starting an entirely new life; a life that fits neatly into a medium sized duffle bag. Have you ever fit the necessities of your life into a duffel bag? It's a strange feeling ... knowing you can carry your life on your back. Oddly satisfying, in fact.

I'm simultaneously nervous and anxious - nervous for the unknown, knowing that I'll have relatively little control over my life for the next few months; anxious to finally be doing what I've waited so long to achieve. I am trying my hardest to shine, as the poem above illustrates; I am mostly fearless.

This is probably the terrifying moment I'm supposed to realize I'm really growing up ... that moment my life changes so completely, it will be unrecognizable. Am I terrified? Of course. But more afraid of the creepy-crawlers under the bed than the prospect of being dropped off in Africa. This is an adventure of a lifetime - this is going to change me forever. How many people get to experience that at 23? What better than to leap, spread my arms, and try my hardest to touch the sky? In the words of a fellow blogger:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a tree."

Am I going to be a tree? Am I going to be a leaf on a tree? Am I going to be the sunshine, causing shadow and light between the leaves of a tree? Or will I be all of it at once? 
I guess now it's up to me.