Line right up folks, we're talking sacrifice ... the human kind. All you have to do is tear out your heart, offer it to the gods, and throw yourself down hundreds of stairs for good measure ... Hmmm ... Do I at least get knee-pads?
Aztec rituals aside, we make tons of sacrifices on a daily basis (most of them tiny). Some have to ability to change our lives for better or worse (and aren't voluntary). The question is: Are these kinds of sacrifices always worth it?Sacrifices are made in the name of responsibility, normalcy, and success - but at what cost? Have you ever seen the light leave someone's eyes when they talk about lost dreams? That, my friends, is what I'm terrified of.
Most people are afraid of getting old or being alone; I'm afraid of settling. With every big sacrifice, I feel like I lose important pieces of myself. More than this, I hate that most sacrifices are governed by societal rules - rules that are outdated, unrealistic, and prejudice. Who here really believes that a refusal to sacrifice certain, really important things is selfish or irresponsible?
When it comes to the Peace Corps, I have gotten a range of reactions and, the closer I get, the more irratic they become. The most common is that I am selfish and cruel to leave Matt behind. Though I understand the sentiment, it's frustrating that I'm expected to give up my dreams so that he can achieve his. He would never be asked to stop making music because I wanted to attend an Ivy League school ... hell, most people don't even expect him to be faithful while I'm gone. Who are they to decide that neither of us will ever change ... or that life won't in the way ... or that I won't regret giving up something like Africa in ten years? How utterly ridiculous.
The Zen part of me believes that success is a result of letting go of control. I'm a big believer in trusting life. Most sacrifices are driven by attachment: the attempt to own, manipulate, or change something for personal benefit. The most difficult concept to learn is that conflict is created when we try to control everything. It causes vulnerability, to let go of contrl. It means we have to trust people and the path we're on. So I guess it all comes down to you.As long as you want to leave your heart at the alter - throwing yourself down the temple stairs might land you exactly where you need to be. The amount of bruises you recieve along the way will depend on your resistance to the fall ... and, trust me, we're all gonna need a few stitches.
oh, and I almost forgot:
"modified fashionista Zen pose"
You have an interesting dilemma. "If I were you" (oh that phrase), I'd jump head first into the Peace Corps. If it is something you feel strongly about, it's easier to do it now. I've found in most cases, the moment is now.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I've sacrificed a lot for my marriage of almost five years. It's been incredibly difficult at times, but I can honestly say that those seemingly huge sacrifices were worth it. The little dreams that faded along the way so far have given birth to even bigger dreams that I never even dared to imagine.
I guess when it comes down to it, you have to just cross your fingers and hope that you sacrificed the right thing. Fortunately (and in some cases, unfortunately), you are the only one who can make the call.
Best of luck to you, my friend.
Thank you, Jesse - you, the positive reflection of my bitter-sweet and mostly negative experiences. I'm persuing the Peace Corps vigorously ... I just hesitate to talk about my aspirations now that it's down to the wire. The positive side? That, if Matt and I are 'meant to be,' two years will fly by and we'll be stronger when I return :)
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly. Of course, it's easier said than done, but if it's supposed to happen, it will; if it's not, it won't. In one way or another...
ReplyDeletei am so glad that i came across your blog. reading this post, i felt as if you had ripped a page out of my journal! "Have you ever seen the light leave someone's eyes when they talk about lost dreams? That, my friends, is what I'm terrified of."
ReplyDeletewow- love, love, love your blog- most def will be following!